dani_the_girl | You can't imagine it unless you've been there.

Title: You can't imagine it unless you've been there.
Fandom: Torchwood
Rating: Gen
Pairing: Jack/Ianto implied.
Summary: Ianto understands what Jack's doing
Notes: Post Exit Wounds. Therefore, spoilers. Un-beta'd - just my reaction to the ending. Also, first time I've written something for Torchwood.

Jack won't tell him where he was all that time. He gives them all the bare bones; who Gray was, why he wanted to lash out at Jack, how John was forced to take him back but he won't say when to or how he ended up in storage. The archives show that a dangerous alien was found and stored by the team in that locker but make no mention of where or how. John too is tight lipped. When Ianto asks he will only say that it's for Jack to tell or not. He can't or won't look Ianto in the eye while he says it but Ianto can't decide whether it's shame for what he did for Gray then or what he's doing for Jack now.

He's considered and discarded the idea that the cryo unit is all there was. Hardly a punishment, after all and anyway, Jack is clearly different, how ever much he tries to hide it. He won't sleep with the covers on now, for example.

After the third time he wakes up in Jacks quarters alone and finds him in the medical bay, leaning over the counter above the Locker They Do Not Mention he starts encouraging Jack over to his place more. He's still sleepless there, but at least brooding while looking out of the window over the city is less worrying.

Ianto considers trying to draw him out about it, but after all, Gwen does nothing but and it's Ianto Jack turns to for company when he does want it, for distraction, for reminders of touch and life, for contact. Better to let him speak without words, which were never his strong suit anyway. So instead, Ianto watches.

He installs a separate circuit of cameras in the medical bay, unlinked to the main system (Tosh would have caught it, but Jack won't) and learns that the sleepless night visits are only a fraction of the time Jack spends there, contemplating the door with his stilled brother behind it. When items start to get added to the medical requisition list he cross references with as much information he can find in the archives (Owen could have told him, once) and what he finds makes him realise what he can do to help, what he can give for his lost lover.

He waits until he's certain, makes his own preparations and sets up his own alarms. It wouldn't do to be wrong about this, after all, which he secretly wishes he was but knows he isn't. When the alarm finally triggers, the message arriving on his phone while he's doing his weekly shop, it's a relief. No more waiting for the other shoe to drop. He's got an hour or two so he stashes his groceries at the flat before heading for the Hub.

As he lets himself down via the lift (showy but quiet) he turns over everything in his mind, wondering if there's anything he's left undone but if there is, it's going to stay that way, God help them. He steps off the plate and moves over to Owen's old station where he's been stashing the dart gun, safe in the knowledge that even if Jack and Gwen should ever touch the area they'll dismiss it as something left over from the clean up. He logs into his own terminal to check how far things have gone - it wouldn't do to interrupt too early, after all. He is painfully aware that he may only have one shot at this.

Sure enough, when he makes his way down to the medical bay, 5 minutes before the end of countdown, there is Jack with his hand on the handle and the cryo unit is showing all the signs of being in its last warm up cycles. It would be nice to be wrong sometimes, Ianto thinks but he doesn't waver as he walks down the stairs.

Jack is so focused on the door that he seems not to register the footsteps for a moment. By the time he whirls around, hand on his gun, Ianto has reached the base level of the bay. He doesn't raise his weapon though, not yet, just paces over, eyes locked on Jacks, until they are facing each other with the locker between them, waiting to unlock. Jack, after a frozen moment when Ianto fears he will actually draw on him, takes his hand away from his gun and turns back to the door.

"I can't let this happen, Jack." It is Ianto who breaks the silence.

"We can heal him," Jack pleads. "Keep him safe until we can get him back again."

Ianto sighs. "I wish we could. I know you want it to be true, Jack, but it's not. You and I both know that storing dangerous killers at the Hub while we wait for them to heal and wish for them to forgive us doesn't end well."

Jack stares at him. "No, this is not the same."

"It is the same, Jack. You just don't want it to be. There's no machinery involved but it's still true. The Gray you knew died and you can't bring him back." He raised the dart gun. "Step away, Jack. I don't want to put you out for this, but I will if I have to."

Jack's eyes are bright, too bright, but he does as asked. "Ianto, I need this," he whispers, pleading.

"No," Ianto responds. "What you need is to understand that you have to forgive yourself. That's how it plays out. It's awful but it's true. We have to learn." The locker chimes, finally finished it's decompression. Ianto reaches for the door and pulls out the tray where Gray lies, still and deadly. "I'm sorry, Jack." As Gray's eyes open, he pushes the dart gun to his neck and fires. For a heartbeat he thinks that it's not going to work, that Gray has picked up some immunity to the poison he's loaded it with but then his eyes close again, no movement in his chest.

Jack collapses to the floor, like a puppet with its strings cut. The tears are flowing now. "He was my brother," he cries brokenly, and then suddenly focuses on Ianto. "Monster," he says, voice full of venom.

"No," Ianto replies, closing the locker sadly, "but you'll think so for a while."