Emotionally, this is perfect. The relationship between John and Rodney, how they work to keep each other as safe as possible, how they work together to get out - how they work together afterward to get John as safe as possible. Go with this: The wordcraft and the character development are great.
BUT.
The plotline has real trouble. That they were taken without being followed is ... troubling. Neither Teyla Emmagen nor Ronon Dex are people likely to let such a thing go personally, and they have the on-the-ground knowledge and the political knowledge to track them. They know where they started from, and there is only one individual between their previous location and their eventual one.
Additionally, Radek Zelenka is no slouch as an engineer and has worked with gathering information from Stargates before - and Evan Lorne and the Marines have chased John down from that information before.
In fact, people have tried to persuade the Lanteans that their people were dead before, and didn't get away with it for more than a few hours.
Why, then, were John and Rodney left captured for so long? What were the others doing? How did Regan manage to keep them for months? When will we have some indication of the work the others did to retrieve them, and where did they look?
I'd like to see you let this lie fallow for a while so your brain can work through the answers to these things, and then possibly give us a second fic describing what was going on At Home while they rested in durance vile, before you go on to the third fic in which there is, somehow, a valid political reason not to have gone and gotten Regan and vaporized him already.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
Good news, bad news - sorry.
Date: 2011-03-21 03:19 am (UTC)BUT.
The plotline has real trouble. That they were taken without being followed is ... troubling. Neither Teyla Emmagen nor Ronon Dex are people likely to let such a thing go personally, and they have the on-the-ground knowledge and the political knowledge to track them. They know where they started from, and there is only one individual between their previous location and their eventual one.
Additionally, Radek Zelenka is no slouch as an engineer and has worked with gathering information from Stargates before - and Evan Lorne and the Marines have chased John down from that information before.
In fact, people have tried to persuade the Lanteans that their people were dead before, and didn't get away with it for more than a few hours.
Why, then, were John and Rodney left captured for so long? What were the others doing? How did Regan manage to keep them for months? When will we have some indication of the work the others did to retrieve them, and where did they look?
I'd like to see you let this lie fallow for a while so your brain can work through the answers to these things, and then possibly give us a second fic describing what was going on At Home while they rested in durance vile, before you go on to the third fic in which there is, somehow, a valid political reason not to have gone and gotten Regan and vaporized him already.