Moving forward, shutting down
Sep. 20th, 2008 06:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dani_the_girlTitle: Moving forward, shutting down
Fandom: SG-1
Summary: Daniel needs help to deal after Hathor is gone. Episode tag for 1x13
Notes: This is actually the first bit of SG1 fic I wrote and I've been fiddling around with it on and off for ages. Last night when I got up at 4am to get a Lemsip, the final change I needed to make to be happy with it suddenly occured to me and so I decided to post it. Of course, I'm still on Lemsip now so who knows, I may come back and tweak it some more one day. Length wise, this probably qualifies as flash fic.
"Daniel?"
Daniel makes almost no response to his arrival, turning vaguely away from the monitor in his direction when addressed but on recognition turning back immediately. Jack walks over to stand behind him, noting the way the tension in his shoulders rises and then gradually dissipates as Daniel seems to realise he wasn't about to reach out a pat or a touch and accept his presence. Jack checks his watch. Nigh on three hours since Daniel checked the tapes out, according to the logs. Most of them are still sitting to one side of the video in their envelopes. He'd bet they haven't been touched. There's only one thing absorbing Daniel's attention right now.
On the screen, the phosphors trace Daniel walking through the base corridor, snake on his arm. The audio is turned down, but doubtless Daniel has it memorized by now. Cut to the camera in his quarters, discussion, it reaching for him, him balking and then being sucked in. Daniel pauses it as they kiss and Jack wonders if he doesn't want Jack to watch what came next or he just doesn't want to watch it with someone else present.
Of course, Jack has already seen it. He and Hammond had reviewed all the material, although Jack had fast forwarded most of it; all the recoverable mistakes were in the first half an hour or so, after which it's just an opportunity to give thanks to whatever entities might be out there that were actually on humanity's side that Carter can think on her feet and knows when to move against her own COs.
He's beginning to think that they're just going to sit there in silence until Daniel has to sleep, but eventually Daniel turns away from the still image to look at Jack. He makes a small noise of frustration and then says "I don't understand. I nearly broke out of it." He looks ridiculously hangdog about it. Rape victims, Jack remembers from those lectures back in the day, often blame themselves.
"And then she put out some more of whatever it was and put you under again," he replies solidly. "Nothing you could do."
"But I nearly did," Daniel says softly. "I was going to push her away. I remember that. Almost the only thing I do remember." He's looking searchingly at Jack, like Jack will be able to tell him what he did wrong, how he could have saved himself.
"Look, Daniel," Jack replies, still hoping that Daniel will be able to drop it, just move on, "she hypnotised us. You can only push that so far. She asked you to do something against your basic instincts and that woke you up so she upped your dosage." It had made for interesting viewing. Either Daniel was mentally a lot tougher than he looked, or his repugnance towards the Goa'uld was a more basic trigger than he would have thought. Either way, good to know.
Daniel sighs. "I suppose. I just keep thinking I should have done something. She could have told us so much if we could have kept hold of her." The urge to comfort him is so strong that Jack can almost taste it. Just keep reassuring until he lets it go. Tell him that there really was nothing, like the snake was some force of nature who'd swept them all up in her path. And yet, even though they're three levels up from it, he can feel the brooding presence of the Gate at his back, all those places, all those enemies, and he knows that's not going to help him any next time around. Daniel might think he wants comfort and support, but what he needs is to learn and maybe, just maybe, the fact that he's still pushing at this means that on some level, he wants that too.
"Look, Daniel, you want to know what we could have done to fix it?" Jack says roughly. He rummages through the tapes until he finds the one he's looking for and pops it into the machine. Daniel stares at him, wide-eyed and confused. Jack starts it up and the image of Daniel, Hammond and himself in the cell with the snake springs to life on the screen. As they watch, Daniel un-cuffs her and she kisses his hand and then Hammond's. "You can't trust a snake," Jack growls. "We should never have got close. Everything else is just consequences. We were just lucky she didn't get what she wanted, even if she did get away." He scratches absently at his stomach and sighs. "And there endeth the lesson. Now you gotta check these tapes back in and move onto the next thing."
"And how do I do that, Jack?" Daniel asks tightly. Take six months off, Jack thinks. Find a good therapist and some nice quiet academic job and maybe some normal friends. And he knows he wont, can't say it. The programme needs Daniel. No getting around it.
"Find the thing you're going to say when people ask you about it. And they will. Something pithy and hopefully something that will shut them up. Then when you think about it, that's what you say to yourself. After a while that's all you think about it and the rest becomes something locked in the box." And maybe, years later, something in the dark, but you gotta get that far.
Daniel is quiet for a long moment, mulling it over. "Something pithy," he muses. He meets Jack's eyes like a dare. "At least it wasn't," he says and then stops and Jack can see the 'S' hovering unvoiced on his lips. "At least it wasn't Amonet," he finishes and there actually is relief in his tone. Jack stares back him, thinking that maybe there's a third option. Maybe it's not that Daniel is tougher or more grossed out by snakes than average. Maybe it's just that he's insane.
"Seriously, Daniel," he says. "Stick to the black humor. You start thinking like that you really will go nuts. Now lets go get a beer and find something less depressing to watch. There must be mindless sports going on somewhere in the world."
For a moment, he thinks Daniel is going to refuse but then he straightens up, his expression clearing. He takes a deep breath and swings away from the monitor. He pops the tape out of the machine and stands up and if he's not looking quite himself, at least he's compartmentalized enough to do a good impression. "OK," he said with a smile, "I know how this one ends, anyway. We'll find something to drink and then we can go dig out the tape of my funeral."
Fandom: SG-1
Summary: Daniel needs help to deal after Hathor is gone. Episode tag for 1x13
Notes: This is actually the first bit of SG1 fic I wrote and I've been fiddling around with it on and off for ages. Last night when I got up at 4am to get a Lemsip, the final change I needed to make to be happy with it suddenly occured to me and so I decided to post it. Of course, I'm still on Lemsip now so who knows, I may come back and tweak it some more one day. Length wise, this probably qualifies as flash fic.
"Daniel?"
Daniel makes almost no response to his arrival, turning vaguely away from the monitor in his direction when addressed but on recognition turning back immediately. Jack walks over to stand behind him, noting the way the tension in his shoulders rises and then gradually dissipates as Daniel seems to realise he wasn't about to reach out a pat or a touch and accept his presence. Jack checks his watch. Nigh on three hours since Daniel checked the tapes out, according to the logs. Most of them are still sitting to one side of the video in their envelopes. He'd bet they haven't been touched. There's only one thing absorbing Daniel's attention right now.
On the screen, the phosphors trace Daniel walking through the base corridor, snake on his arm. The audio is turned down, but doubtless Daniel has it memorized by now. Cut to the camera in his quarters, discussion, it reaching for him, him balking and then being sucked in. Daniel pauses it as they kiss and Jack wonders if he doesn't want Jack to watch what came next or he just doesn't want to watch it with someone else present.
Of course, Jack has already seen it. He and Hammond had reviewed all the material, although Jack had fast forwarded most of it; all the recoverable mistakes were in the first half an hour or so, after which it's just an opportunity to give thanks to whatever entities might be out there that were actually on humanity's side that Carter can think on her feet and knows when to move against her own COs.
He's beginning to think that they're just going to sit there in silence until Daniel has to sleep, but eventually Daniel turns away from the still image to look at Jack. He makes a small noise of frustration and then says "I don't understand. I nearly broke out of it." He looks ridiculously hangdog about it. Rape victims, Jack remembers from those lectures back in the day, often blame themselves.
"And then she put out some more of whatever it was and put you under again," he replies solidly. "Nothing you could do."
"But I nearly did," Daniel says softly. "I was going to push her away. I remember that. Almost the only thing I do remember." He's looking searchingly at Jack, like Jack will be able to tell him what he did wrong, how he could have saved himself.
"Look, Daniel," Jack replies, still hoping that Daniel will be able to drop it, just move on, "she hypnotised us. You can only push that so far. She asked you to do something against your basic instincts and that woke you up so she upped your dosage." It had made for interesting viewing. Either Daniel was mentally a lot tougher than he looked, or his repugnance towards the Goa'uld was a more basic trigger than he would have thought. Either way, good to know.
Daniel sighs. "I suppose. I just keep thinking I should have done something. She could have told us so much if we could have kept hold of her." The urge to comfort him is so strong that Jack can almost taste it. Just keep reassuring until he lets it go. Tell him that there really was nothing, like the snake was some force of nature who'd swept them all up in her path. And yet, even though they're three levels up from it, he can feel the brooding presence of the Gate at his back, all those places, all those enemies, and he knows that's not going to help him any next time around. Daniel might think he wants comfort and support, but what he needs is to learn and maybe, just maybe, the fact that he's still pushing at this means that on some level, he wants that too.
"Look, Daniel, you want to know what we could have done to fix it?" Jack says roughly. He rummages through the tapes until he finds the one he's looking for and pops it into the machine. Daniel stares at him, wide-eyed and confused. Jack starts it up and the image of Daniel, Hammond and himself in the cell with the snake springs to life on the screen. As they watch, Daniel un-cuffs her and she kisses his hand and then Hammond's. "You can't trust a snake," Jack growls. "We should never have got close. Everything else is just consequences. We were just lucky she didn't get what she wanted, even if she did get away." He scratches absently at his stomach and sighs. "And there endeth the lesson. Now you gotta check these tapes back in and move onto the next thing."
"And how do I do that, Jack?" Daniel asks tightly. Take six months off, Jack thinks. Find a good therapist and some nice quiet academic job and maybe some normal friends. And he knows he wont, can't say it. The programme needs Daniel. No getting around it.
"Find the thing you're going to say when people ask you about it. And they will. Something pithy and hopefully something that will shut them up. Then when you think about it, that's what you say to yourself. After a while that's all you think about it and the rest becomes something locked in the box." And maybe, years later, something in the dark, but you gotta get that far.
Daniel is quiet for a long moment, mulling it over. "Something pithy," he muses. He meets Jack's eyes like a dare. "At least it wasn't," he says and then stops and Jack can see the 'S' hovering unvoiced on his lips. "At least it wasn't Amonet," he finishes and there actually is relief in his tone. Jack stares back him, thinking that maybe there's a third option. Maybe it's not that Daniel is tougher or more grossed out by snakes than average. Maybe it's just that he's insane.
"Seriously, Daniel," he says. "Stick to the black humor. You start thinking like that you really will go nuts. Now lets go get a beer and find something less depressing to watch. There must be mindless sports going on somewhere in the world."
For a moment, he thinks Daniel is going to refuse but then he straightens up, his expression clearing. He takes a deep breath and swings away from the monitor. He pops the tape out of the machine and stands up and if he's not looking quite himself, at least he's compartmentalized enough to do a good impression. "OK," he said with a smile, "I know how this one ends, anyway. We'll find something to drink and then we can go dig out the tape of my funeral."
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no subject
Date: 2008-10-16 09:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-17 08:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-17 04:10 am (UTC)Daniel was following his advice to go with black humor, even if he was genuinely relieved that it wasn't the case. The blackest ever, ever, ever... There'a a lot in there. and between the lines. I'm going to be thinking about this story for a long time.
I can really see them digging out the funeral tape over a few beers!
no subject
Date: 2008-10-17 08:30 am (UTC)I think it says a lot about SG1 that watching tapes of ones own funeral probably does count as relaxing :)
no subject
Date: 2013-11-26 01:27 pm (UTC)I didn't want to give away too much in the rec, but to me, the most powerful moments are 1. Jack's all-too-good ability to lock away what he doesn't want to think about 2. Daniel's choice of a "pithy remark" and 3. that final suggestion that watching Daniel's funeral tape is a lighter distraction. Whew. Talk about black humor - and so, so them.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-28 01:13 pm (UTC)I never actually got around to replying to this because I was in a sort of fannish hibernation at the time, but I just wanted to say that I really appreciated it at the time and still do now - being recced is a massive compliment so thank you!
Dani
no subject
Date: 2013-11-26 01:35 pm (UTC)This is a gorgeous piece of fic!
no subject
Date: 2013-11-26 01:36 pm (UTC)Wow.
Really good treatment of the aftermath of this episode. Fic about it are hard to find. It's my headcanon now; thank you.
no subject
Date: 2013-11-26 04:37 pm (UTC)